You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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