Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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