All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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