Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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