no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
