before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
