I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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