there were more penises there than on chat roulette
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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