I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
