Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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