he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
