I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
