I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This baby is an asshole
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
