As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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