the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
