Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
