So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
