Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize