okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
