Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
