my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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