some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
