glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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