You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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