i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
