what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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