I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
