Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize