Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
