Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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