He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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