It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
