his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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