I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
