The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
