I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
