I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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