I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
