i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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