I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
