just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
