i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
