Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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