Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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