so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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