i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i out mim tonsoeep
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