Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Randomize
