I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am naked and annoyed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
