my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I looked at my own cervix.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize