I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
