The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
