Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
