I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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