im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
