Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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