the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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