you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
