My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
