i think my mom watched the whole time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
