What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
