I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
