she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
